Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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