My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
