I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
