everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
