Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drake has all the answers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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