Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
