I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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