Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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