Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
