i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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