@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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