Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
