The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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