I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
