You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
