Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
