Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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