he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
