He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so let's talk penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
