I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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