just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
