yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
