all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
