How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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