Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
