I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
