Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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