dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
