I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
