Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
