Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Buhtt sex?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and she was petting her beer can
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
