I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
