i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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