jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
