seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
