I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
