Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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