we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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