dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
