i barfeds in our rink
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
