I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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