Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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