Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
