I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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