I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
