...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
