i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
