Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
