so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
