i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I love you. Go after that dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
